A late night trying to delete photos I no longer need to free up some space on my computer. I'm not nearly done, but looking at the photos led me to a trip down memory lane: the trips I led to Hong Kong and other parts of China with students in my program in 2007, the friends who visited me in the various states I lived in the U.S., the wonderful travels with loved ones...

As I went through the photos, I noticed two copies of photos of me being bald. They were taken by a photographer friend who visited me when she came to Minneapolis for a conference in the summer of 2005. I was going through chemo treatment at the time. She took more than a hundred photos and did a really good job. I looked relaxed and comfortable. There was no signs of pain, stress or embarrassment. Even today, I have a printed copy framed on my nightstand.

I still remember getting a buzz cut right after getting diagnosed with cancer -- the doctors and nurses told me I should expect my hair to come off 8 to 14 days after the first dose of chemo, and I had long hair at the time and didn't want to see it come off in patches. But my hair hung on longer. So each day, a close friend would go through the ritual of gently pulling my hair and say, "See, it still stands firmly on your head." Then we'd laugh it off.

Until one day, a handful of hair came off when he pulled. We both screamed with surprise. And in the next minute, I tried to keep the tears in my eyes from rolling down my cheek.

I really appreciated those who accepted me and my illness with openness, without making any fuss. That might have help make me so comfortable in carrying on with my life with a bald head. Most people going through this would wear wigs, hats or scarfs. I didn't. Instead, I put on earrings.

I remember going to work one day, and a coworker walked up to me, gave me a hug, and said, "You look beautiful."

I remember conducting interviews in a neighborhood just hit by tornadoes. It was late at night, and I felt my bald head was shinier than the street lamps. But nobody stared. Residents and emergency responders just kindly talked to me about what happened and the damages.

I remember going to a department store looking for earrings on a Sunday, and a middle-aged woman came up to me, smiled to me and said, "I couldn't pull off with such short hair. I tried. Didn't look good. But you look great." I had practically no hair and I was almost certain she had figured out what I was going through and said what she said to be kind and encouraging.

After I finished my treatment and my hair grew back, I kept the buzz for almost two years simply because I liked it and valued the entire cancer experience, however painful it was. My friends were almost split among nationalities: almost all my American friends liked the hair, while most Chinese friends felt that it was way too short, and that I was not feminine enough with that kind of hair.

When I moved back to China, I noticed some strangers in the streets would stare rudely at my short hair, and shockingly, some would even show their disapproval. People who know me tried to talk me into growing my hair out, saying I need to look more like a woman.

Sometimes I think some Chinese' attitudes towards people with cancer or those who have had cancer need some change. After learning about my illness, some people who had always liked me can now only think of the word "cancer" when seeing me. Some think it's an impediment to work or even a normal life. In contrast, back in the U.S., when I told a former boss about my experience, she never treated me differently or doubted my ability at work. And my current boss, who is not Chinese, showed nothing but kindness and support after learning about my experience. Most of my American friends can't think of why I shouldn't enjoy a good life just as everyone else.

One time last year when I went to the hospital for my routine checkup, I saw a young woman with bald head walking into an examination room. I wish I had the opportunity to walk up to her and tell her she was beautiful. Life in itself is beautiful.

从未喜欢过郑智化的歌，可是听姐姐唱起这首《别哭，我最爱的人》，听着她温柔的声音，觉得很好听，于是在网上找来歌词。

今天起床后，就自己做家务，还有很多很多要做的，但感觉这种安安静静的状态很好。最近几个月总是那么忙碌，那么无序，那么没有方向。现在终于知道是好好工作、好好生活的时候了，就好像一个阶段结束，一个新的阶段开始了。

别哭,我最爱的人 
今夜我如昙花绽放 
在最美的一刹那凋落 
你的泪也挽不回的枯萎 
别哭,我最爱的人 
可知我将不会再醒 
在最美的夜空中眨眼 
我的眸是最闪亮的星光 
是否记得我骄傲地说 
这世界我曾经来过 
不要告诉我永恒是什么 
我在最灿烂的瞬间毁灭 
不要告诉我成熟是什么 
我在刚开始的瞬间结束